I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
