My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
