So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
