you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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