Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
