well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
