he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
