you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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