Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
