Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
