the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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