She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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