I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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