hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
