Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
