Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
