This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
