If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
