my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
