I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
