"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
