Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
