shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
