We need to start having sex underwater more often.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
