In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Randomize
