why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Randomize
