hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
