At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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