I need help removing her.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
