whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i think my cat just said my name.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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