he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
