He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
