Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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