I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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