It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
