Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
