the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
