That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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