a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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