he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
