Non-Jews are for practice
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
