we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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