I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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