Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
