god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
