thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
