after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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