Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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