Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We left an ass print on the piano.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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