am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
